I am blessed with a true gift from God!

Hello everyone! In my last blog I confessed to be being on my 4th marriage. As I worked and reflected through my own feelings regarding my choices, God healed me in a way which I did not know was available.

God showed me during our time together last week from Wednesday through Sunday the love for me He truly has. I wrote in my last blog how God has used my husband to show me some of the ways God loves me. God adores me! My husband tells me that he does too.

My husband serves me through acts of service (work, fixing things around the house, running errands for me, helping with taking care of my horse…etc). My husband tells me how beautiful I am. How attracted he is to me. He is gentle, sweet, kind, merciful, and wants to be part of my happiness. My husband is my best friend! We long to be with one another and cherish our time together.

Is my husband perfect? Absolutely not!

What my husband is, is a man. Flawed, broken, battered, and abused by this world. Just like me!

My husband told me on our first date that he did not care about my past. He wanted to know the person I was at that moment. I believe he was the first person who had come into my life that did not want anything from me. He just wanted to be with me. He just wanted a relationship.

As our time dating continued, we would spend hours talking. Every Sunday we would just lay down side by side facing each other talking about anything and everything as the topics came. Sweet bliss!

Trust me when I say, we did not always agree! 🙂

But…

We were committed to not allowing the sun go down on our anger. We committed to each other to work through every topic of dispute. We committed to trying not to scream at each other. We committed to not calling each other names. Each person is allowed to have their opinion and perspective to what has happened. We made an agreement not to threaten breaking up with now means not ever bringing up the topic of divorce. We have tried to make our relationship a SAFE place for each other.

Finally…

God has blessed me with the most AMAZING gift. A human relationship where I can feel safe.

It was only during this past week, I fully understood what was happening within my relationship with my husband. I must confess to you. As much as I knew my husband loved and adored me. I was holding back just a piece of my heart from him. 😦 There was a part of me up to this point that was waiting for the proverbial “other shoe to drop.” I was waiting for my husband to stop loving me or decide he no longer wanted to be with me. Just like the others…I was waiting for him to say, “you are not good enough.”

God spoke to me about this through my time with my women’s group on Wednesday. God used one of the women to tell me that I was not good at receiving gifts. I needed to search and seek what gifts had been given to me that I was not fully receiving.

I sought the answer to these words as she prompted me to look at the Old Testament Book – Song of Soloman. A love story so strongly played out that God felt is necessary to have it placed within His Holy Bible for all generations to understand the power of what marriage is to be!

You see! I doubted God’s gift was for me. True love!

I confess this to God first and then I went to my husband. I apologized for not given him my whole heart. I asked for my husbands forgiveness which is freely gave to me. What a sweet and precious moment as he held me in his arms! I cried for how unfair I had been to him. Lord, thank you for showing me this area of my life.

God has true love for each of us! He is pursuing us just as a lover would. God showed me during this time that I not fully received the gift of His son dying on the cross because God loved me that much! Two men…both willing to die for me. I could not breath!

Have you cried so had snot comes out of your nose without notice? That was me as I walked through one of the most profound moments in my 40 year old life. God wants to love us! He wants us to know the power of His strength and love for us!

Are you receiving His gift? Do you fully accept the passion and desire he has for you? God wants you to understand that you are truly SAFE within a relationship with Him.

Seek Him…ask Him to show you the gifts He has given you in your life. When you realize what those gifts are, confess your sin of taking those gifts for granted. When you do, there is a FREEDOM that come afterwards which is life changing!

God wants us to live abundantly! Are you?

Wednesday April 17, 2013, one of the women gave me this picture after she was prompted to do so. It was what broke down the wall God was trying to get through. You never know what God has in store when he prompts us to do something. AMEN!

Wednesday April 17, 2013, one of the women gave me this picture after she was prompted to do so. It was what broke down the wall God was trying to get through. You never know what God has in store when he prompts us to do something. AMEN!

 

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I am the Samaritan Woman Jesus Met in John 4:1-26!

In an effort to remain true to God‘s calling on my life, I am going to share a part of my journey, which is hard to admit. Praise the Lord for my strength as I write and publish today’s blog!

God has  revealed to me over the past two months that my greatest weakness has been seeking the approval of others. You see, I am a words of encouragement person. What does that mean? It means that my “love tank” is filled when I receive words of praise, love, and encouragement from others. These words can be delivered verbally or in written form.

It also means that if you really want to hurt me, I mean really deeply hurt me, speak words of disappointment, shame, guilt, manipulation, ugliness, condemnation, etc…I think you get the idea. I often explain it to others this way. You words hurt me more than any type of physical abuse. Hit me, spank me, push me, spit on me, none of these hurt as much as you telling me your hurt or disappointed by me!

Over my lifetime, I have made a staggering number of mistakes! The ones which have been the most damaging are the ones related to the men I have allowed to be part of my life. I have searched for love in all the wrong places. I have been married 4 times! There, I said it! My current husband is amazing, loving, and gentle. God uses him to speak to me about who I am

But…

He is NOT God! As much as my husband CHOOSES to love me today, God loves me UNCONDITIONALLY!!!! Forever! There are things I can do which may prompt my husband to reconsider whether he will choose to continue to love me.

But…

There is NOTHING that I can do which will separate me from the love my God has for me! Why? Because I gave my life to him when I uttered the words to my parents at the age 8. I want to be a christian. I want Jesus to come into my heart. I want to know God and serve him all the days of my life.

I have made a lot of poor choices! I have suffered consequences for my poor choices!

But…

I used to be a strong-willed child. I wanted things my way. I chose my first and third husbands. They both were emotionally manipulative individuals using passive aggressive behaviors. They were both masters of manipulating others to do their bidding. What is sad? The third one was a professed christian so I thought he was a safe choice. UGH!!!

My second husband was and still is a good man! I screwed up and cheated on him. I take full responsibility for my selfish behavior because that is exactly what it was, selfish! He wanted to forgive me and begged me to stay with him. I was too scared, ashamed to stay. I made such a mess of my life. What happened?

We moved…

The economy was shifting and my second husband’s employer needed to downsize. God gave me a vision of what was coming a few months before it happened. So I was prepared. We put the house and the market. We began looking for new jobs. We chose to move back to his home state of Illinois. He had a daughter there and she was getting ready to turn 5 years old.

What I was not prepared for was not being able to find a new church home. Other challenges were going from a beautiful Texas home to a falling apart, crappy looking, squirrels in the attic above my kids room 2 flat apartment. I was in shock when we arrived to know this is the only thing we could afford. I couldn’t breath at first.

But…

We made the best of it for a while. However, things began to weigh on our marriage. We both became increasingly more frustrated with our circumstances and with each other. Intimacy fell to the waste side into non-existence. I began suffering more and more tremendous migraine headaches.

Then one day, I went to have a drink with a friend before my train home. My friend invited a friend who was nice to me. We all laughed and had a good time. The next thing you know, weeks have gone by and drinks, turned into lunches, turned into dinners, turned into a full-blown affair.

What was I thinking?

You see. I lost my connection with my community of church friends, my women’s small group, and regular attendance of a church. I hit the mute button with God. I was angry about our circumstances. I was angry because I had convinced myself my husband at the time did not love me anymore. UGH!!!

Mistake, after mistake, after mistake, after mistake…then condemnation sets in over the years.

But…

You know what? God knows it all and he still has a plan to use it all for His glory!!!! AMEN!!!!

So as I have been walking with Jesus and he has been healing me of guilt, shame, and condemnation from Satan here are the words a friend brought to me from God.

A Samaritan Woman Meets Her Messiah

Therefore, when the Lord knew that the Pharisees had heard that Jesus made and baptized more disciples than John 2 (though Jesus Himself did not baptize, but His disciples), 3 He left Judea and departed again to Galilee. 4 But He needed to go through Samaria.

5 So He came to a city of Samaria which is called Sychar, near the plot of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph. 6 Now Jacob’s well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied from His journey, sat thus by the well. It was about the sixth hour.

7 A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give Me a drink.” 8 For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.

9 Then the woman of Samaria said to Him, “How is it that You, being a Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?” For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.

10 Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.”

11 The woman said to Him, “Sir, You have nothing to draw with, and the well is deep. Where then do You get that living water? 12 Are You greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well, and drank from it himself, as well as his sons and his livestock?”

13 Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, 14 but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”

15 The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.”

16 Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.”

17 The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.”

Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ 18 for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.”

19 The woman said to Him, “Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet. 20 Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, and you Jews say that in Jerusalem is the place where one ought to worship.”

21 Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father. 22 You worship what you do not know; we know what we worship, for salvation is of the Jews. 23 But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. 24 God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”

25 The woman said to Him, “I know that Messiah is coming” (who is called Christ). “When He comes, He will tell us all things.”

26 Jesus said to her, “I who speak to you am He.

In my study bible there a sections written called Kingdom Dynamics. My bible is the New Spirit Filled Life Bible, New King James Version published by Thomas Nelson Bibles in 2002. On page 1450 this is what the Kingdom Dynamics says about this Biblical Woman without a name:

Considering

1)      the ongoing contempt of Jews for Samaritans (v.9);

2)      the reputation of the woman (v.18);

3)      the cultural restrictions of male and female interactions (v.27), this scenario becomes a classic lesson in God’s redemptive action.

Jesus’ initiative forgives, restores, and empowers a woman, who persuades men to heed a Jewish Messiah! Our Savior’s grace, seen in this woman of Samaria, illustrates how past overt or covert prejudices, beliefs, practices, and exposures need not confine or destroy the potential of a person. A Transformed woman became a great evangelistic influence as many Samaritans respond to Jesus as Messiah (v.29-30, 39-41). An added lesson of significance is to see the Savior reaching out to those deemed different or indifferent, teaching the value of our affirming the worth of all people. An unnamed Samaritan woman received life-changing revelation that had eluded many rabbinical scholars (1 Cor. 1:26-29) – spiritual insight that propelled to another dimension, perceiving Jesus as “a prophet” (John 4:19), and then as “the Christ” (v. 29). She is a model of how true revelation may translate into a powerful witness.

I am here to declare my FREEDOM in Christ and my place in this world to share who He is with others!

God's plans

Who I am in Christ! part 5

page 19 of Patricia King‘s book, Decree a Thing, and it shall be Established:

  1. I am redeemed by the blood of the Lamb. Revelation 5:9
  2. I am part of the bride of Christ and am making myself ready for Him. Revelation 19:7
  3. I am a true worshipper who worships the Father in spirit and in truth. John 4:24

Who are you in Christ? Have you ever claimed your place with God? Do you fully understand the promises and protection afforded you through Christ’s death on the cross? Or have you just forgotten? Sometimes we need to reconnect with God through scripture so we can realize how He is there for us – No matter what!

Continued from part 4:

However, they offered William’s father an out. Bring William back to his mother for a 2 week visit. We will get everything worked out when you get here. William’s father dragged his feet for another 10 days before he gave into the pressure of the FBI. On December 30, 1995, William and his father boarded a plane from Rome, Italy to JFK Airport in New York to Orlando International Airport.

Was it for real?…Was William really on his way home?

I remember getting a call in the very early hours on December 30, 1995 from one of our FBI agents in Rome, Italy. “Melanie, this is the FBI in Rome Italy. We are calling to confirm that your son William and his father boarded their flight.” I thanked them and went back to sleep. I got up and cleaned the house that morning. In the afternoon, I received another call.

Caller: Hello, is this Melanie?

Me: Yes, it is.

Caller: This is the JFK airport police. We have your ex-husband here and he would like to talk to you.

Me: Why is he with you?

Caller: The FBI instructed us to detain him until his next flight. We are to make sure he boards his flight to Orlando.

Me: Thank you. Yes, I will talk to him.

The conversation that followed was full of questions from William’s father. Questions which I could not answer since the FBI chose not to inform me of the formal plan. Later I asked my FBI agent why they did not tell me the plan. He smiled and said because they did not want me to inadvertently give information to William’s father about what was going to happen. I was grateful for their decision.

The afternoon moved on. I was still in shock and denial about William’s potential return. I did not shower, by the much-needed groceries, I did not get nervous or excited. One thing is for sure. I thought something would happen and that I would not get William back. William’s father was a master at convincing others he was a good person and that I was a liar.

The time came to go to the airport. My mother, father, sister, and her husband all went with me. This was the long awaited day. I met the FBI, the Orange County Sheriff’s Office detectives, and the airport police at the office inside the airport. I sat and listened as they devised a plan to safely remove William from his father’s arms.

Do they board the plane? Do they wait for him to exit the plane on his own? Who is going to retrieve the luggage? It did not feel real! I still did not believe that I was going to get him back without a fight or a last stand.

Officer: Melanie, are you ready to do this?

Me: Yes

Officer: Okay, everyone let’s go!

The next thing I remember was the ghost town of the concourse. They had closed an entire concourse down for William’s flight to arrive without interference. As we walked towards the gate. There was a law enforcement psychologist there to assist me. They continued to coach me regarding how William was not going to recognize me. “Melanie, it has been a long time since he has seen you. It is going to take him time to know who you are.” The psychologist said, just take your time. We are going to take this slowly. Let him warm up to you. We will not be in a hurry. All I remember saying is “okay.”

As we got to the gate, the plane was arriving. Then without warning, there were red and blue lights flashing all around the plane. There were so many red and blue lights they filled the concourse as if we were in a nightclub. The gate door opened and the FBI along with the police department rushed down the walkway. I watched as passengers began disembarking the plane. I searched the crowd for William’s sweet face. The last passenger walked through the doors and yet there was no William.

Then all of sudden a group of police officers came through those doors. The FBI agent was in the middle of them. He held William in his arms. William was wearing a shirt with an airplane on it. He was sleepy and a bit reserved. I did not know what to do or what to say to him. At that very moment I heard a gentle whisper within my soul, “speak to him like you use to.” I had William’s pooh bear that his Papa had given him at 3 weeks old for his first Christmas. He loved his pooh bear but it had been left behind. Holding his pooh, I said in a gentle soft sweet mother voice, “hey baby!”

William looked at me for a few seconds…his eyes lit up, sparkled, he took a deep breath…and as he exhaled he said, “momma…pooh!!!” He reached for me! (Remember, he was not supposed to know me. They said too much time had passed!) I took William in my arms. I hugged and kissed him. He giggled! I thanked everyone standing around me. William and I turned away. I placed him down on the floor  to leave. We began running and playing together down the concourse. The last thing I heard those behind us say was “they are going to be okay!”

I got William back 11 months to the day from the last time I had seen him! Let’s be clear. God moved the mountains necessary for us to be reconciled. God almighty deserves ALL the glory for this miracle and all the miracles in my life!

Behind the scenes of the story…

The day William was born, he was perfect or so I thought. 🙂  About a week after he was born, a birth mark appeared on William’s forehead. It looked like a baby’s footprint with the toes and all. I knew, even then. God had a reason for this mark on William’s head. It is because of William’s birthmark that authorities were absolutely sure they had the right child who had been abducted by his father. It is the reason that I knew it was William when they disembarked the plane. He had changed so much! I truly would not have recognized him without the birthmark God had given him.

God speaks to us through our children! God used this devastating circumstance to draw me back to Him. You see, while William was gone. I would go and visit Chandler’s grave (my son who had passed 11 months before William’s birth). I prayed just like the world teaches…for Chandler to protect William. For Chandler to be his guardian angel and watch over his baby brother. I had been to Chandler’s grave several times over the first ten months.

Then the weekend of December 9, 1995, I went to pray at Chandler’s grave. I was on my knees at the foot of Chandler’s grave. As I was praying, it felt as if someone physically hit me in the back of the head with a 2 x 4 piece of wood. I physically fell forward onto my hands. With a voice shouting, I heard, “YOU ARE PRAYING TO THE WRONG PERSON!” I sat back onto my ankles and threw my arms up into the air and shouted back. “FINE! IF YOU ARE THE GOD OF MY GRANDFATHER AND FATHER, THEN RETURN MY SON TO ME AND I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOUR SIDE THROUGH MY FAITH AGAIN!”

I did not know where William was at the point in time when I prayed the last time at the grave. All attempts to find William and his father had failed. God delivered William to me by moving the mountains in front of me. It was 3 weeks to the day from that day at the grave!!! God delivered William back to me! God had a plan! He needed me to trust Him. God wanted me!

I am here sharing my story to inspire hope for those who feel lost, alone, and abandoned. You are not alone! God is with you! He has ALWAYS been with you, pursuing you! He wants you to be with Him! He wants you to call out to Him! God loves you with all His heart, no matter what! God uses all things for His glory. Trust Him!

Romans 8:28 (KNJV) – And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to HIS purpose.

Word Wealth from New Spirit Filled Life Bible, Strong’s #4286 purpose, prothesis (proth-es-is): from pro “before”, and thesis, “a place”, thus “a setting forth”. The word suggests a deliberate plan, a proposition, an advance plan, an intention, a design. Of 12 occurences in the New Testament, prothesis is used 4 times for the Levitical showbread (literally “the bread of setting before”). Most of the other  usages point to God’s eternal purposes relating to salvation. Our personal salvation was not only well planned but demonstrates God’s abiding faithfulness as He awaits the consummation of His great plan for His church.

If you have never given your life to Christ, it is never too late! If you want someone to pray with you. Send me a message through my contact me page. I would be honored to pray with you!

If you want to recommit your life to Christ, then tell him just that! If you would like someone to pray with you. Send me a message through my contact me page. I would be honored to pray with you!

God bless each one of you!!! If you have a prayer request, please post it in the comments. My team of prayer warriors would be blessed to pray for you. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray, AMEN!

Taken right after getting William back from being abducted to Naples, Italy.

Taken right after getting William back from being abducted to Naples, Italy.

Prov Ch 3 5-6

Who I am in Christ! part 4

page 18 of Patricia King‘s book, Decree a Thing, and it shall be Established:

  1. I am a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation. 1 Peter 2:9
  2. I am the devil’s enemy. 1 Peter 5:8
  3. I am born again by the Spirit of God. John 3:3-6
  4. I am an alien and stranger to this world. 1 Peter 2:11
  5. I am a child of God who always triumphs in Christ and releases His fragrance in every place.                   2 Corinthians 2:14
  6. I am seated in heavenly places in Christ. Ephesians 2:6
  7. I am saved by grace. Ephesians 2:8
  8. I am a recipient of every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ. Ephesians 1:3

Who are you in Christ? Have you ever claimed your place with God? Do you fully understand the promises and protection afforded you through Christ’s death on the cross? Or have you just forgotten? Sometimes we need to reconnect with God through scripture so we can realize how He is there for us – No matter what!

Continued from part 3:

They took us in and gave me a safe place to stay. People cared! God cared! Things calmed down some. At least I could sleep at night. But the storm was far from over…

I began working on rebuilding my life. My husband wanted back into my life. He begged me to work things out. He begged to come and live with me in Orlando. I gave in. I let him come and live in my “safe” place.

He was not there long before I decided our relationship could not be saved. He was determined to turn my “safe” family and new co-workers against me. They all began seeing what he was capable of. It was time to find a new “safe place”. This time I moved in with another couple and was determined not to tell him anything about where we were. I found a new job in a bigger corporate setting with on site full-time security guards.

I was beginning to grow, feel safe, and become independent for really the first time. William and I were on Medicaid and food stamps to help supplement our budget. We were happy! I could breathe without being afraid all the time.

William’s father and I were sharing custody and visitation. He was living out of a hotel at the time. He stopped making threats towards me. Life began to settle down some. Then I was in a car accident at the beginning of February 1995. William was visiting with his father for the week when it happened. I called his father and asked him if he could keep him for another week while I recovered. He agreed.

The time for getting William back came but his father was a no-show. I called, no answer. I called, no answer. Then he called asking if he could bring him back in another day or two. I was upset but I agreed. William vanished with his father that day. William was 13 months old the last time I saw him.

It was more than 2 months before I heard anything. William’s father called three times in total to taunt me. I begged him to let me talk to William. Nope. I begged him to let me see him. Nope. Where are you? None of your business was his reply. “William and I have a new life now and it does not include you!”, his father said. 10 months went by and still no sign of William. The stress was wearing on me. I was approximately 95 pounds and working 60 hours a week. This was so I could use my extra money to try and find William. Then the day came when the courts granted my divorce, sole custody, and no visitation to William’s father – December 5, 1995.

Now what, I asked the judge. He told me to take my paperwork and go to the State Attorney’s office. The judge told me not to leave until someone helped me get the ball rolling. That is exactly what I did.

The State Attorney’s office informed me to go home and call 911 until they sent an officer out to take a report. So I did. It took 3 phone calls before they dispatched a car. The officers took a report. The next day, I got a call from a Detective from the Orange County Sheriff’s Office. He came over and we discussed everything that happened. I gave the detective all the information for William’s father’s side of the family. God gave me an aggressive detective who was not going to take any bogus excuses. He said what he meant and meant what he said. He did not tell me what I wanted to hear. He told me the truth. My chances of seeing or getting William back were less than 1%. It had been too long since the abduction. They could be anywhere!

The Orange County detective called William’s father’s mother (William’s grandmother). She was now living in California. She called William’s father and had him contact the detective. The detective explained to William’s father that he needed to return William to my custody within 5 days. William’s father told the detective that he did not believe the authorities were involved and that they now lived in Italy. He informed the detective that he had no intentions of returning William to my custody, ever! The Sheriff’s Office had enough to issue a warrant for his arrest on 12/13/1995 and broadcasted his Missing Persons Report on the news.

The detective called in the FBI to handle the case. Since William’s father had disclosed his whereabouts as being Italy, the sheriff’s office could ask for assistance. God blessed me with a young rookie Southern Georgia FBI agent who was adamant about solving every case which crossed his desk. He never wavered. The FBI agent coached me through the process. I needed to be coached because William’s father began calling me for information. The FBI gathered enough information to filed federal charges against William’s father and grandmother who now lived in California.

However, they offered William’s father an out. Bring William back to his mother for a 2 week visit. We will get everything worked out when you get here. William’s father dragged his feet for another 10 days before he gave into the pressure of the FBI. On December 30, 1995, William and his father boarded a plane from Rome, Italy to JFK Airport in New York to Orlando International Airport.

Was it for real?…Was William really on his way home?… continued until tomorrow

I See You!

1980 Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction

– Italy signs convention Act on 5/1/1995.

There really are no such things as coincidence. God has a plan, ALWAYS!

Who I am in Christ! part 3

page 17 of Patricia King‘s book, Decree a Thing, and it shall be Established:

  1. I am the salt of the earth. Matt. 5:13
  2. I am the light of the world. Matt. 5:14
  3. I am part of the true vine. John 15:1-2
  4. I am filled with the divine natre of Christ and escape the corruption that is in the world through lust. 2 Peter 1:4
  5. I am an expression of the life of Christ. Col. 3:4
  6. I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved. Col. 3:12; 1 Thes. 1:4
  7. I am a child of light. 1 Thes. 5:5
  8. I am a partaker of a heavenly calling. Hebrews 3:1
  9. I am more than a conqueror through Christ. Romans 8:37
  10. I am a partaker with Christ and share in His life. Hebrews 3:14
  11. I am one of God’s living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house. 1 Peter 2:5

Who are you in Christ? Have you ever claimed your place with God? Do you fully understand the promises and protection afforded you through Christ’s death on the cross? Or have you just forgotten? Sometimes we need to reconnect with God through scripture so we can realize how He is there for us – No matter what!

Continued from part 2:

I married William’s father when I was 9 weeks pregnant. The entire time we dated he treated me  like a princess. However, once we were married, I became property. Abuse began emerging into our relationship. Physical – Emotional – and Sexual.

Once again, I felt that something had gone wrong. What did I do to deserve being treated this way? I thought, at the time, that my personality was strong. Maybe I needed to be more submissive. I tried to do everything he asked of me but I knew he was leading me down a path that was dangerous. He liked to smoke marijuana and cigarettes. He liked to go to rave dance parties. He even took me to one when I was about 6 months pregnant with William.

The emotional abuse began with him spitting on me when I would “talk back” to him. I was not allowed to talk back or contradict him. He began intercepting all phone calls to our home. He would tell my parents that I was not home or in the shower. If they called for me when I was really gone, he would not tell me they had called. I felt alone.

He began threatening to kill himself if I left to attend my college classes. He would use this tactic to control me. He used for a while  because he knew I was terrifed of William being left alone. Until one day, I had had enough and told him to go ahead, do it! Just make sure you wait until approximately 15 minutes before I get home so William is not alone. He did not do it.

Then he began telling me that if I ever left him, he would kill me. That in Naples Italy(where he was raised from the age of 12 – 18) men can do whatever they wanted to their wives without repercussion. He told me about a story where he aunt was beaten by her husband and brother. Then she was left for dead on the street where she belonged. He told other people too. But no one took him seriously. He threatened to take William from me if I left. But I did not believe him.

When the emotional manipulation began not working so well. The physical violence began with him grabbing me, shaking me, and throwing me into the walls. Then he starting slapping and punching me in the thighs, hips, and stomach. The abuse began showing up on my arms and shoulders.

Eventually, he wanted me to have sex with other men while he watched but I could not do it. He became more aggressive and violent sexually. He began forcing me to have sex. I would be awaken by him either being on top or with him entering me. Most of the time, it was so violent that I would be bruised inside and outside. I would have to place ice between my legs for the swelling and to help stop the bleeding.  I didn’t dare cry though.

I tried to leave one night. I tried to leave several times. I had made an escape route through the boards in the fence. I pushed them aside so with William in my arms, I could leave through the back door instead of the front door. You see the front door was not an option. I had tried that once before. I almost got out. William was at my parents home, I went back to get clothing, diapers, and formula. He did not want me to leave and as I made a running break for the door. Just as my foot crossed the threshold, he grabbed the baby bag strap and pulled back. When he did,  it was with such force that my feet left the ground and the strap broke. I fell backwards into the house. I crawled outside crying and hurt. I saw my neighbors watching from their windows but no one helped.

I was so embarrassed. I had been taught better. I had been taught not to allow someone to treat me the way he was treating me. However, when I talked to my family about leaving him they encouraged me to stay and work things out with him. Why? I just could not tell them everything. So, I tried to make things work. This will be the first time I will have told my story openly. I just could not do it before. Why didn’t I tell my family before now? I did not think they would believe me.

I cried out for God to help me. I found myself one night when William was about 9 months old in a dark bathroom. I remember the moon shining through the window. I was sitting in the bath tub hiding and rocking myslf. I was balled up with my legs drawn into my chest. My arms were wrapped around my shins. I was rocking and thinking to myself about how it was evident that I was either going to die by my hand or his. I did not want to leave William on this earth without me. He needed his mother. God reassured me of that. God was there in the bath tub with me. He rocked me and spoke to me until I calmed down. He brought me peace in the storm.

When William was 10 months old it was becoming quite clear things were not going to change and that I needed to leave. My family did not understand what was going on inside of our home because I was too embarrassed to tell them. So I talked to someone at work. They talked to our Human Resources director. I had a wonderful conversation with two people who to this day probably do not realize they saved my life. They transferred me from my position at the Tampa office to one of our sister companies in Orlando. They even set me up with a couple who, one of them, worked at my new office. They took us in and gave me a safe place to stay. People cared! God cared!

Things calmed down some. At least I could sleep at night. But the storm was far from over…to be continued tomorrow.

God hears prayers

Who I am in Christ! part 2

page 16 of Patricia King‘s book, Decree a Thing, and it shall be Established:

  1. I am God‘s workmanship, created in Christ for good works. Eph. 2:10
  2. I am a citizen of heaven. Eph 2:19; Phil. 3:20
  3. I am a member of Christ’s body. 1 Cor. 12:27
  4. I am united to the Lord and am one spirit with Him. 1 Cor. 6:17
  5. I am the temple of the Holy Spirit1 Cor. 3:16; 6:19
  6. I am a friend of Christ. John 15:15
  7. I am a slave of righteousness. Rom. 6:18
  8. I am the righteousness of God in Christ. 2 Cor. 5:21
  9. I am chosen and ordained by Christ to bear fruit. John 15:16
  10. I am righteous and holy. Eph. 4:24
  11. I am hidden with Christ in God. Col. 3:3

Who are you in Christ? Have you ever claimed you place with God? Do you fully understand the promises and protection afforded you through Christ’s death on the cross? Or have you just forgotten? Sometimes we need to reconnect with God through scripture so we can realize how He is there for us – No matter what!

All my life, God has pursued me. I told my parents at the age of 8 that I wanted to become a christian and recieve Christ into my heart. Back in the day, in the Southern Baptist Church, the pastor was called to come and talk to you about your decision. My parents did just that. Our pastor came to the house and took me into a room away from parents. He sat me down and began asking me questions. I was terrified! I did not know this man. He was a stranger. Well, I must not have answered his questions “well enough” or “correctly” because he told my parents that I “was not ready”.

The ripple effect from that one event changed the course of our whole family. My parents left the church. I thought I was not good enough to be a christian but yet I kept seeking God. I kept hearing his voice telling me to go and learn more about Him.

It did not matter who invited me to church for the next 10 years, I accepted their invitation. I figured God did not care where I went as long as I was seeking Him. I had the pleasure of attending Baptist, Church of Christ, Seventh Day Adventist, Church of Latter Day Saints, Catholic, Presbyterian, and Apostolic Pentacostal.

At the age of 18, I “officially” prayed to receive Christ, was baptized, and was filled with the Holy Spirit. I began seekign God’s will for my life for the first time. God revealed to me that he was calling me to be in ministry. So once again, I went to the pastor of the church to discuss what God was calling me to do.

I told the pastor about my calling to ministry and asked for his guidance. His response was that there was no place for women in ministry. I eventually left the church confused about “How I could be wrong?” I was pretty sure of God’s calling but I was devastated by my pastor’s response.

I went tragically off track after that. I was single and pregnant by the time I was 20. I was seeking love and acceptance from all the wrong places. My first son (Chandler) died at 32 weeks gestation. He was born stillborn. I felt his last kick that morning. I had known for over a week something was terribly wrong but the nurse practitioner would not listen.

I began dating someone while I was pregnant. He was there through most of the craziness but he was also part of the emotional craziness. After Chandler died, I became pregnant again within 10-12 weeks. William was born 11 months to the day(12/8/1993) of Chandler’s birth (1/8/1993).

I married Will’s father when I was 9 weeks pregnant. The entire time we dated he treated me  like a princess. However, once we were married, I became property. Abuse slowly began emerging into our relationship. Physical – Emotional – and Sexual.

To be continued tomorrow…

Girls want a guy to save them

Who I Am in Christ! part 1

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This 5 part series stems from my reading of Patricia King’s book Decree a Thing, and it shall be Established. Part One begins on page 15:

  1. I am a child of God; God is spiritually my Father. Romans 8:14-15; Gal. 3:26; 4:6; John 1:12
  2. I am a new creation in Christ; old things have passed away and all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17
  3. I am in Christ. Eph. 1:1-4; Gal. 2:26, 28
  4. I am an heir with the Father and a joint heir with Christ. Gal 4:6-7; Rom. 8:17
  5. I am reconciled to God and am an ambassador of reconciliation for Him. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
  6. I am a saint. Eph. 1:1; 1 Corinthians 1:2; Phil. 1:1; Col. 1:2

The reason I am beginning this 5 part series is because it is crucial for each believer to know who they are in Christ. If you are a seeker wanting to know what it means to be a christian, then this is a good place to start as well. If you are a long standing christian, then sometimes it is refreshing to be reminded and reconfirmed about who you are in Christ.

I do not know about anyone else but life sometimes gets in the way. For me, I have all too many times allowed life to get in the way. However, truth be told, I, more often than “life” get in my own way. Following Christ takes a desire to seek God for who He really is. I pray for the discipline to sit and study God’s word each morning before “life” takes over. There are days when it is absolutely no problem. Others, I wake up, get my coffee, and instead of getting directly into prayer about what to read or study, I look at email or open the internet. YIKES! Nothing will get you off track quicker, UGH! However, all is not lost, if you catch yourself, pray for God to clear your mind, and then focus on Him. Wha Lah! You are back on track.

In the weeks to come following this series, I am going to share stories of reconciliation so stayed tuned. God has blessed me so many times because I went to someone to reconcile a situation. Some of them have taken years to see the fruits and some have been immediate. I share them with you next week or you may contact me if you seek advise as to how to reconcile in your given situation. My email is melanie@schiererfire.com

Zeph. 3:11-17 (…

Zeph. 3:11-17 (NKJV)
11 In that day you shall not be shamed for any of your deeds
In which you transgress against Me;
For then I will take away from your midst
Those who rejoice in your pride,
And you shall no longer be haughty
In My holy mountain.
12 I will leave in your midst
A meek and humble people,
And they shall trust in the name of the Lord.
13 The remnant of Israel shall do no unrighteousness
And speak no lies,
Nor shall a deceitful tongue be found in their mouth;
For they shall feed their flocks and lie down,
And no one shall make them afraid.”
Joy in God’s Faithfulness

14 Sing, O daughter of Zion!
Shout, O Israel!
Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,
O daughter of Jerusalem!
15 The Lord has taken away your judgments,
He has cast out your enemy.
The King of Israel, the Lord, is in your midst;
You shall see[a] disaster no more.
16 In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:
“Do not fear;
Zion, let not your hands be weak.
17 The Lord your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”

Notes from my Bible:

v. 11-15 – Receive God’s forgiveness through Jesus’ completed work on your behalf. Rejoice with all your heart because God has removed His judgment from you! Live your life in ways that honor the Lord and bring glory to His name.

v. 16-17 – Rejoice in the Lord. Did you know that God sings, shouts for joy, and dances over you because He loves you so much? Take time to think about that; let the Holy Spirit imbed this truth in your spirit. Allow this understandingg to bring new joy, fresh freedom, and tender love for God into you devotional life.

What I received from this message:     Freedom through Trust!

God loves me! You know the wonderful thing about being involved wiith people who practice their prophetic gifting (which we all have) is that God will use them to speak to you. Back a few weeks ago, I was having lunch with one of my sisters in Christ. We were chatting about what God had been doing with us. What we were studying and what healing if any had been occurring. When all of a sudden she closed her eyes and put her hand out front of her. Her arm was outstretched with her hand bent down in a right angle position. She began making circular motions with her hand. She looked perplexed as she was doing it. Then she looked at me and said, “Do you twirl in circles for God?” I thought for sure I was going to fall out of the chair. How could she know that I twirl for God? I only twirl when I am by myself. Only one person that i know of has seen me twirl for God and she lives in Illinois. At that moment, I was reminded that I use to dance for Him as I rejoice and celebrate things which happened in my life. God showed her my heart for Him! Do you dance, sing, or shout praises at the top of your lungs for who God is in your life? If not, why not? Or has it been awhile? Don’t worry about what others say or do? You have nothing to fear from anyone! You are a beloved child of God through Christ Jesus who gave His life on the cross for you! Don’t you think He earned the right to be trusted? You can trust Him with all things. You will see that when you do trust Him – FREEDOM is what you will feel!

 

Matthew 15:22-28

Matthew 15:22-28 (NKJV)

22 And behold, a woman of Canaan came from that region and cried out to Him, saying, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is severely demon-possessed.” 23 But He answered her not a word. And His disciples came and urged Him, saying, “Send her away, for she cries out after us.” 24 But He answered and said, “I was not sent except to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” 25 Then she came and worshiped Him, saying, “Lord, help me!” 26 But He answered and said, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs.” 27 And she said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table.” 28 Then Jesus answered and said to her, “O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.

Notes from my Bible:

v.24 – Jesus spoke a similar word in His instructions to the disciples concerning their own ministry (10:5-6). The restriction on His mission did not involve racial exclusivism, but was strictly a matter of His limitations as a person and distinct priorities set by the Father. In God‘s plan the gospel must first be offered to the Old Covenent people, because of their calling and the responsibilities it entailed. The gathering of Israel must precede and prepare for the gathering of Gentiles (Rom. 1:16).

v. 27 – The woman acknowledges Israel’s priviledge and priority, yet appeals to Jesus’ unconditional kindness for her demon possessed daughter.

What I received from this message:

I must confess this verse came from a dear friend who received this verse upon reflection of our first encounter with one another on February 24, 2013. I blog this day because it one was of those big treasure boxes which God had for me but I might have missed it if I had chosen not to go to our chuch’s outdoor baptism. Sunday afternoon at 4:00pm is when our baptism began. At 4:00pm I was still sitting on the couch debating whether to finish watching the nail biting end to a phenominal Nascar race where Danica Patrick was making history. She had been in the top 10 all day after already making history by qualifying and starting the race in poll position. I really wanted to be at the baptism too. I was torn! As I look back now I was caught wanting to witness human history for women or the spiritual history being made for a new believer. To me, they are both important. Well, I got my rear end off the couch, hit record button for the TV, and we left for the baptism. We reached our destination at about 4:15pm, as we strolled up to the pool area we heard the sounds of cheers! You see another daughter of God made history by publically professing her faith through Baptism. For me, everytime someone is baptized it is history in the making. So we went on to celebrating with good food, good company, and a cloudy (almost rainy day). Our crowd in attendence was small due to a rain scare, lol. My husband and I were new to the church. We had attended at this point 3 Sunday services and I had questions to ask of those who called Heartcry Chapel home. The woman who chose to answer my questions was sweet spirited and helpful. Throughout the afternoon, my spirit was continually drawn to a woman sitting off to the side. As the event broke up, I kept feeling as though I was suppose to introduce myself to this woman. However, she was engaged in a long conversation with another woman. I watched her walk off to her car as I was getting my things together. God had a plan! As my husband and I began walking to our car, the women had stopped to talk right in front of our car! Their conversation had closed and I introduced myself to both of them. The women I was spiritually drawn to, looked at me, and asked me 2 simple questions. What transpired from that moment prompted a healing in me beyond words. God, simply used her to say, “I see you!” and “You are an Overcomer!” She proclaimed God’s glory was all around me. She embraced me, holding onto me and rocking me. It was so AMAZING! I was reminded that day of the power of God’s people to love and encourage each other. This woman did not know me but I will forever be eternally grateful for her taking the time to allow God to use her for His glory. Live out your life seeking God to provide these moments where you can be used for His glory. He may just use you to impact a life like mine!

Romans 8:1-2 (N…

Romans 8:1-2 (NKJV)
There is therefore now no condemation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.

Notes from my bible:

Paul begins a description of the life in the Spirit. He first declares that the Spirit assures death to sin and makes holiness possible.

The words “made free” translated mean to liberate, acquit, set free, deliver. In the New Testament the word is used exclusively for Jesus’ setting believers at liberty from the dominion of sin.

What I recieve from this message:

I was first exposed to these verses back in 2006 as part of a wonderful retreat that I attended. I remember the amount of comfort and healing I recieved from the words “therefore now”. In the past, I had heard those around me quote this verse without the NOW word as part of their quote. I find this word to be vital to the message. At least it was for me! I took away from that moment of understanding, a message which would stay with me forever. Even though, I may sin moment to moment or several times a day, sin does not have dominion over me because Jesus died to cover ALL of my sins past, present, and future. Satan does not want me to be free! Trust me when I say this, over the span of my 40 years, I have gone off course, made mistakes, sinned, fallen, and failed. Each time I have one pattern that is blantanly prevalent. I became disconnected from my church and community of believers as God shifted me from one season to another. I have become fully aware of the power of Christ’s followers as they share their lives with one another. As we challenge and grow as believers just as God designed us. I have started this blog so I can share my life, walk, and struggles with each reader so now no one has to walk alone. Join me on a lifetime journey to seek God’s will for each life who chooses to follow him.