Hello everyone! In my last blog I confessed to be being on my 4th marriage. As I worked and reflected through my own feelings regarding my choices, God healed me in a way which I did not know was available.
God showed me during our time together last week from Wednesday through Sunday the love for me He truly has. I wrote in my last blog how God has used my husband to show me some of the ways God loves me. God adores me! My husband tells me that he does too.
My husband serves me through acts of service (work, fixing things around the house, running errands for me, helping with taking care of my horse…etc). My husband tells me how beautiful I am. How attracted he is to me. He is gentle, sweet, kind, merciful, and wants to be part of my happiness. My husband is my best friend! We long to be with one another and cherish our time together.
Is my husband perfect? Absolutely not!
What my husband is, is a man. Flawed, broken, battered, and abused by this world. Just like me!
My husband told me on our first date that he did not care about my past. He wanted to know the person I was at that moment. I believe he was the first person who had come into my life that did not want anything from me. He just wanted to be with me. He just wanted a relationship.
As our time dating continued, we would spend hours talking. Every Sunday we would just lay down side by side facing each other talking about anything and everything as the topics came. Sweet bliss!
Trust me when I say, we did not always agree! 🙂
We were committed to not allowing the sun go down on our anger. We committed to each other to work through every topic of dispute. We committed to trying not to scream at each other. We committed to not calling each other names. Each person is allowed to have their opinion and perspective to what has happened. We made an agreement not to threaten breaking up with now means not ever bringing up the topic of divorce. We have tried to make our relationship a SAFE place for each other.
It was only during this past week, I fully understood what was happening within my relationship with my husband. I must confess to you. As much as I knew my husband loved and adored me. I was holding back just a piece of my heart from him. 😦 There was a part of me up to this point that was waiting for the proverbial “other shoe to drop.” I was waiting for my husband to stop loving me or decide he no longer wanted to be with me. Just like the others…I was waiting for him to say, “you are not good enough.”
God spoke to me about this through my time with my women’s group on Wednesday. God used one of the women to tell me that I was not good at receiving gifts. I needed to search and seek what gifts had been given to me that I was not fully receiving.
I sought the answer to these words as she prompted me to look at the Old Testament Book – Song of Soloman. A love story so strongly played out that God felt is necessary to have it placed within His Holy Bible for all generations to understand the power of what marriage is to be!
You see! I doubted God’s gift was for me. True love!
I confess this to God first and then I went to my husband. I apologized for not given him my whole heart. I asked for my husbands forgiveness which is freely gave to me. What a sweet and precious moment as he held me in his arms! I cried for how unfair I had been to him. Lord, thank you for showing me this area of my life.
God has true love for each of us! He is pursuing us just as a lover would. God showed me during this time that I not fully received the gift of His son dying on the cross because God loved me that much! Two men…both willing to die for me. I could not breath!
Have you cried so had snot comes out of your nose without notice? That was me as I walked through one of the most profound moments in my 40 year old life. God wants to love us! He wants us to know the power of His strength and love for us!
Are you receiving His gift? Do you fully accept the passion and desire he has for you? God wants you to understand that you are truly SAFE within a relationship with Him.
Seek Him…ask Him to show you the gifts He has given you in your life. When you realize what those gifts are, confess your sin of taking those gifts for granted. When you do, there is a FREEDOM that come afterwards which is life changing!
God wants us to live abundantly! Are you?